5 Stages of Anger
Every anger reaction takes place in five stages. As with stress some of these stages occur in a fraction of a second and unless we purposefully pay attention we normally will not be aware of them.
Everything from frustration, bother, and irritation to full on rage are simply different degrees of anger. They are all the same emotion. The only difference is the strength of the feeling. On a scale of one to ten bother and irritation rate as one while full rage rates a ten. When the feeling is in the middle between 4 and 6 we normally call it anger.
But these are all just different degrees of one emotion: anger.
The 5 Stages of Anger
- Denial: when something happens the first, usually fleeting reaction, is "I don't believe it."
- Acknowledgement: the next stage is admit that it did happen.
- Hurt: this is the crucial stage of anger. Somehow we harbour beliefs that was has happened may somehow cause us either phsyical or emotional pain. So we think we must defend ourselves.
- Intimidation: Now we feel angry and attempt to intimidate others so we can get ourway without actually fighting. A surge of chemicals rushes through our body to prepare for violence.
- Violence: If intimidation fails and we believe we can win we fight. If not we flee and become resentfilled.
Note that when we believe we cannot win our anger is converted to resentment which is simply how we store anger. That saved anger returns when we believe can win revenge with some form of sabotage or so called "passive-aggressive" behavior.
The key to getting rid of unwanted anger is to eliminate the beliefs about what hurts us. Usually these beliefs take the form of expectations. Expectations are simply beliefs about how things should be to keep us safe.
Thus, the more expectations we have the angrier we become.
